Todays’ post is being written through a thick fog of tiredness. Despite a great three days straight of good activity and no seizures the restless and sleep disturbed night after night after night continue to take their toll. I very nearly decided not to write anything at all yet had promised to keep you posted on how Heather got on at hospital and had had some interesting and even entertaining moments so thought I had to share them with you. If it doesn’t flow or read as well as usual please forgive me but understand that this is being written from my notebook in a thick fog with lead in my fingers and a head screaming for a snooze. I have been around this sleepless buoy before so know that the only way to try and get my sleep rhythm back for a good 6 to 7 hours a night is to fight through to lights out at 2300hrs when I will fall asleep very quickly as always but hope to eventually adjust the body back to a full 7 hours sleep for a 0600hrs reveille. It is great to know that I should be feeling pretty normal by next April having allowed 6 months to recover from the treatment but it is still a particularly difficult slog at times making decisions and actions difficult through the fog of sleep deprivation.
As a result today threw some interesting moments at me which I hope I dealt with well in the end but there is always that constant nagging drive to ensure that everyday I am lucky enough to be given with the children is used to their maximum advantage; in that I want to ensure that Heather and James are set on and wholely comfortable on the path that leads to a happy and fulfilling life in which ever field they choose to graze. They are both doing so well, so often there is need for little more than a positive example from me in times of trouble and the occasional word in the ear. But there are times, I think, when life throws up opportunity for deeper guidance as a Father. To encourage deep thought and even maybe an analysis and subsequent understanding of themselves to allow the children opportunity to grow comfortable in the knowledge of who they truly are and where they would like to go. Often, I have found, when I am attempting to teach or guide (as clearly I am not an expert) I myself am also learning or being guided myself.
So today has been one of deep thought and one in which I hope the messages are good and true in helping the children to continue to grow as well as they are while I have learnt a valuable lesson.
At breakfast this morning James asked me a question I often asked myself as a child and that made me smile in memory of such questions. ‘Dad, if you could have any superpower that you wanted, what would it be?’ For me, on the path I am on, using the extraordinary example of the journey of our Lord Jesus Christ to help carry me forward on the challenge, the answer was immediately obvious. ‘I would love to have the power to heal James.’ James understood it immediately as my mind thought of the many sick people I have met over the last 9 weeks of the challenge and to whom I could offer little more than a smile and some understanding. ‘Dad, you could make loads of money doing that!’ he exclaimed in excitement. My heart immediately sank and James read it in my face because quick as a flash he continued ‘and give it all to the people who need it!’ A brilliant regain by James and clearly there was no need for further guidance. He had worked it out for himself – he has a good strong heart. It was time for James to head off for school.
Heather, who had been conspicuous in her absence appeared after a short lie in as she wasn’t catching the school bus today. She was crying, quietly, but crying, the tears gently rolling down her face. I stood up and took her in to my arms as she explained how nervous she was about this hospital visit. It was understandable as she had watched her Father come backwards and forwards to hospital for planned and unplanned visits that generally involved bad news since her last year in Primary School. On Heather’s last visit to check her wrist we were warned that there was a very real chance that she would require a cast or best case to continue to wear the splint on the return as the bone she had broken always seemed to struggle to heal correctly causing all sorts of problems in later life so might even need an operation. I on the other hand, based from observing Heather day to day and from a strong belief that she was healed, had other ideas and calmed her with reassurances that she was coming home without any cast or splint and would therefore be ready for the Panto. It was nearly time to go and had some copies of some posts I had written for Pat and Matthew who didn’t have access to the internet. Heather wasn’t quite ready so I gave her 5 minutes to get ready, lock the front door and meet me at Pat’s on the way to the bus stop. Posts delivered I waited nervously for Heather, where is she, where is she? And then I saw her bubbling down the road with her long gait a broad smile on her face – fantastic.
On the bus I learnt a valuable lesson about selfies and when they are or are not appropriate in a girl’s mind! I had just received an email from Yvonne at the school confirming that they had received my note about Heather’s absence and wishing her well. As I started to type my reply Heather got so bored waiting for me to type each letter she offered to type while I dictated. Brilliant idea so I dictated, ‘ Dear Yvonne, Thank you very much we are on the bus as we speak. Heather got so bored waiting for me to type this message she has become my secretary and typing this faster than I can think!! Yours aye Archie.’ Yvonne replied, ‘Haha I am picturing you both now:)’ which I now know means a smiley face so I thought it would be brilliant to send a picture of a selfie of the two of us and quite wanted one for myself of the two of us. Heather had other ideas. She didn’t like the way she looked today. I thought she looked great with no makeup on and slightly wayward hair but she was my Heather. That wasn’t good enough and so we descended in to a tussle as we fought over the phone, in a jokey way, to take a selfie. I failed and only succeeded in upsetting Heather and myself. Internally I descended in to a litany of silly and immature questions asking myself why didn’t she want a selfie done? Does she not like me? Is she embarrassed by me? Why did she not want to brighten up someone else’s day by doing something she does nearly each and every day with her friends? STOP, STOP, STOP. I was tired and letting my foggy brain regress into immaturity. I am her Father and perhaps there is an opportunity here for a Father/Daughter moment but first, I need to make the peace. I apologised to Heather for being over zealous in trying to take a selfie but explained that it was the reason, that you don’t have any makeup on and don’t like the way you looked, that upset me. ‘Heather if you spend your life creating a painting or a false image of yourself; like a painting, when you scratch away at the surface you find nothing underneath. It is empty, a lifeless, colourless, line drawing lacking expression. Shallow and unhappy. Instead be thankful for your health and everyday your given. Worry far more about not how you look but how you can make your day full of life, colour and happiness by letting go and doing something worthwhile. Yes be clean and tidy but don’t live life behind an empty painting. It is you that makes you you, not the painting.’ I knew it was heavy, not brilliantly worded and probably lacking a little in the understanding of a young growing women’s needs, but felt it was an important point giving something to think on as she grows and I might not ever be given another opportunity to say it. We sat next to each other in silence subtly trying to look at the other without the other noticing but our sideways glances met and then broad smiles swept across our faces with a little chuckle. The mood was broken. I just hoped my guidance was right and well placed and certainly Heather understood what I was saying. I was still hurting that she didn’t want a selfie with me but this was about far more than that. Heather was going for a check up and was nervous. I took her wrist, still in it’s splint, and held it in my hands. I prayed that we will see the wrist healed, that Heather deserved that, with the brave way she has dealt with the brake from the start, and the courage she has shown with me. I asked God for some good news for us all. Heather knew I was praying but let me, quietly as we arrived at the Forth Valley Hospital.
While waiting for her appointment I learnt far more. I learnt how the school blazer makes her hair go static and that in order to make her hair return to normal she has to go to the girl’s loos, wet her hair then squat down under the hand dryer to dry her hair!!!! Me? I’d just have enjoyed the mad hair moment but then I am a man that clearly has a lot to learn about what’s important in a growing young woman’s life! Our conversation descended in to fits of giggles as I learnt about all the high japes Heather gets up to at school with water fights, pins on seats and coughing in unison in time to interactive white boards!! As Heather lost her fears of the examination in her descriptions of the goings on at school I thanked God that while my darling young daughter needs guidance as she grows he has kept me here and given me opportunity to provide it but also thanked him for being there to provide me guidance through his son and his teachings.
Time vanished as we waited and suddenly Heather was in for an xray, back out and very quickly in for the specialist consultation. He was fantastic with Heather and searched very carefully through the whole xray in detail. He examined Heather very thoroughly looking for those pinch points that cause pain and highlight further damage. Nothing. No need for a cast, no need for a splint, no need for an operation. Yes she can dance, yes she can play Hockey just build the strength back up in her wrist and the soft tissue around it gradually over the next few weeks. Heather is healed!!!!!!
Heather chatted wildly as we made our way back to the bus stop stopping for a celebratory hot chocolate but only after I had introduced the challenge to the doctor, a receptionist, a nurse all of whom gave me a good feeling that they were going to come and find us. Then I passed another nurse and something told me to turn around and go and say hello. Poor Heather because I did and thank goodness I did because I met Karen. We acknowledged our faith to one another and then secured a promise to come and look up the challenge. I hope you find me Karen? I took the ever patient Heather for her treat and bus home the relief ever present for us both. Well done Heather. You’ve been very brave.
Salmon with Mango Salsa for tea was a hit. As was the amazing ‘Adams Family’ Musical Comedy put on by the amazing Pamela and her fantastic team at the Dunblane Centre. The set was brilliant, the casting quite extraordinarily clever, the choreography and acting fantastic and the singing was quite beautiful. The best bit for me of course was my son James who for several weeks had been quietly whisked off to rehearsals and coming home jubilant but exhausted so keeping very quiet about what his part as Pugsley Adams actually involved. So when he stood on stage, on his own, a young boy cast within an adult cast, drew in his first breath and started to sing I burst with pride. He has the voice and poise. He acted convincingly, he sang his solo note perfectly, he made me a very happy Father and brought more than a tear to my eye. Well done James, well done the Dunblane Centre and thank you Pamela for having faith in James and casting him so. Wow – a real day of high emotion, deep thinking, and better than ever results for not only Heather and James who were both brilliant today but also for their Father – who could perhaps have done better!!
Have a great weekend but before you do
Time for the challenge in numbers in total since the start:
Days completed: 44.5
Total Miles Cycled: 202
Total Miles Walked: 180
Total Miles Run: 6
Total Distance Swum: 50 metres
Total Miles covered under own steam: 388
Total Height Gained under own steam: 20,067 feet
Mountains Climbed: 5
Hills Climbed: 4
Days of Conservation Activity: 2 1/4
Organ tunes learnt and performed: 5
Salmon Caught: 0!
Curling Matches played in: 2
Curling stones placed on the button (the centre of the target): 1!
Weight Training Sessions: 3
Aerobic Circuit Sessions: 1
People Met and Hands Shaken: 173
Pots of tea shared: 7
Prayers joined on the top of a hill: 1
Pills popped: 186
And most important of all – Money Raised as at Day 44 – £3,020.00.
Considering I started this challenge 9 weeks ago very quietly with no target beyond a fiver, thanks to the brilliant advice from a friend of mine, I am absolutely thrilled and again thank you all. So far that is £68.00 for each and every day that I have managed to find the will and energy to do something worthwhile and my goodness it has been worth it for my peace of mind, for my healing and for the five wonderful charities you are supporting through your generosity. Long may it continue.
Thank you
Yours aye
Archie