Day 48 has been wet. Very wet and has consisted of activity cancelled, admin completed and 2.1 miles run.
Today has felt like a long day which just never woke up. I was up at 0600hrs thankful that the hour had finally come because it had been a very broken night. Took the dog out for a good 1.5 mile walk and got the children ready for school. (Or thought I did!) It was just drizzling first thing so was looking forward to a good couple of hours of hard work with the Doune Community Woodlands Group who do such a god job of looking after Doune Ponds after rescuing it from Council Cut Backs with the help of Ruairidh, The most excellent factor for the Moray Estates. Sadly however the rain had become exceptionally heavy and the ground particularly sodden. It was decided that in these conditions the sort of heavy work planed would likely cause more damage than good so the work party was cancelled. Back home I squelched making a mental note that I needed some more waterproof trousers as my current pair were most certainly not waterproof anymore and allowing water to run down my legs and into my wellies!! I had at least achieved one good thing, beyond hammering in one wooden stake, in an accepted apology to some old friends I meet frequently when walking the dog and who passed me as I was waiting for the bus, to start my journey to Edinburgh on Monday, but happened to be right in the middle of a short but powerful aura. I managed to recognise them as they approached the bus stop in which I was pacing around maddened by the reoccurrence of the metallic tastes and smells, the loss of focus in the eyes and the hive of bees crawling their way under my skin as they made their way around my head, the sheer weight of the swarm seeming to be slowly squeezing the mind to a point at which any coherent thought seemed impossible. I must have looked like a caged animal in the bus stop but they offered a good morning and I can remember attempting a good morning in return although remembered it later as being a feeble and probably a little distracted attempt. It wasn’t a clear memory but I was pretty sure that they did not receive the usual cheery good morning from me full of hope and excitement for the day ahead. The team pausing to say good morning was enough to pull me out of the aura but not quick enough because as I managed to orientate to those around me they had gone and I feared that I had, unintentionally, been a little terse. My apology confirmed my fears and they had guessed that I was having a bad morning and decided not to hang around and irritate me further. They could not have been further from the truth in fact my mornings always feel a little hollow if I haven’t managed to meet the four of them on the morning walk. Certainly Georgie misses the biscuits and on this occasion it was the four of them stopping to say good morning that pulled me out of the aura a bit like a tight cork out of a wine bottle, squeaky twist by squeaky twist until released and able to breath again. So thank you for stopping and if I ever seem a little terse or tense it is most probably because I am, for very good reason, but your good company is the one thing I would dearly love more than anything else in the world at such times to help me out of the bottle and to breath again.
The cancelled work party gave me opportunity to catch up and I did manage to tackle a good number of the building mass of emails and messages on facebook this morning. This in fact cheered me up considerably as I opened message after message of support for the challenge around some of the more mundane but essential administration. A poached egg on toast with spinach, rocket and watercress salad chased by a platter of tomatoes, carrots, tenderstem broccoli and grapes was consumed. The great thing about the sort of finger food such a platter (rather grand name for a plate of chopped carrots et al that are normally dropped in to a pick and mix bag!!!) is that one can work and eat at the same time. So onwards I worked and then suddenly the theatre safety curtain of tiredness fell without warning and a large thud on the head. I felt extraordinarily drowsy, almost drugged and once again fighting for every word I was trying to type. I think perhaps that I had overdone it a little yesterday with 16 miles in such conditions plus the long train and bus journeys back home while writing the post et al only 2 months after my 12th and last cycle of chemo. I was sliding backwards and then I realised that I had planned to do a run and it was absolutely what I needed so I was going. I suddenly felt awake with the excitement of a run through the rain and the mud, conditions I have always, and perhaps rather strangely, always enjoyed running in but I was upstairs and changing as fast as I could. It was now 3pm and getting a little darker but more than enough light left for a 2 miler. Even Georgie perked up and we went for it. I was loving it. My legs felt lighter than they had on the previous two recent attempts and the curtain of tiredness had been lifted, swiftly and cleanly with no comedy moments, it had just gone and stopped smothering me. Back home covered in mud, soaked and feeling alive I had a wonderful stretch and shower before a cup of tea and some more emails and messages. Content and looking forward to seeing the children after their drama and climbing clubs at school.
Then the phone rang. I clearly hadn’t got the children completely ready for school. James had forgotten his climbing clothes!! Clothes packed, computer packed, waterproofs on and umbrella grabbed it was down the street for the bus stop to catch the No.59 to Callander and a short mile walk over the river and uphill to the school and leisure centre. So here I sit, writing my post, having indulged in a Mocha and a Flapjack surrounded by lovely people and excited children reminding myself to be more thorough in checking that the children are indeed ready for school but delighting in the fact that I am lucky enough to have two great kids with a passion for life and that we live in a great place with a huge playground of mountains, lochs and rivers on our doorstep and a brilliant school to give them every opportunity to find their way in life.