Day 78 has seen 4 miles walked, a great meeting, 2.3 miles run, the Currachmore Trophy played for and an appeal for help.
An early morning 2 mile walk this morning before breakfast with no incident. I am suddenly realising that I have been seizure free for a number of days now. A few wobbly moments but no seizures. That is really exciting and long may it continue. I have started getting quite acute but very short headaches in the right temporal lobe. I have no idea what they mean but this is certainly a new development which we can explore at my next clinical assessment in January but otherwise feeling good. Not the best night sleep but feeling okay.
Today was my first meeting with Gordon to discuss the website and the outline template he has produced. I did a little preparation before hand to remind myself of the comments and requests I had but then I was off to see him, trudging through the snow flurry up through the village dodging the slush flying out from the tyres of vehicles as they passed. It is always such a warm welcome from the team at Key Facilities Management as one bursts through the narrow doors in to the old pistol making factory from the 18th Century that they had refurbished for their office and today’s welcome was no different. Lime and ginger tea on order and coming highly recommended by Gordon we went upstairs for the meeting. It was a great meeting. Just the two of us catching up like old friends before I received some wonderful advice and guidance from Gordon. For me to deliver the content of the website in the professional manner that would help ensure maximum engagement but also enjoyment of the content was going to take additional time. I locked that thought away as I started to look for his thoughts on other ideas I was starting to have to broaden the appeal of the challenge further without losing the spirit and story of the journey. He liked them all but made further comment on the additional time that they would take. My spirit slumped a little in the face of the reality so gently put by Gordon as he added further that he knew that I was already fighting through 17 hour days to keep up with delivering the challenge activity, planning and resourcing the next activity, writing the posts, replying to emails and messages and cooking good food for the children and I to help beat the beast. As the scope and size of support for the challenge continues to grow so will my workload. I needed to consider how I was going to manage it not forgetting that I was supposed to be trying to heal as well. This was a serious point requiring serious thought and was so gently but clearly put.
We closed the meeting with a summary of the information he required from me so that he could continue with the website development as we both agreed that this was the perfect time to be bringing it online. I just needed to consider how I was going to manage it. I thanked Gordon for his time and as always expert and gently delivered advice and guidance. A little uncertain I headed for home. I needed some thinking time. I was going for a run. 2.3 Miles this time. Cracked in 24 minutes through the snow and icy water freshening my feet and freshening my head. 3 overarm pull ups, 14 press ups and sit ups. I now knew what I needed. The big question is – Can I get it????
A shower and a lunch of poached egg on toast and spinach, rocket and watercress with raw carrots , broccoli, tomatoes and red grapes. It always sounds better when described as ‘an egg poached, and nestled on a bed of spinach, rocket and watercress salad served on toast and with a medley of summer vegetables and fruit.’ Yet somehow it always tastes the same no matter how I describe it. Which is great and because I know that it is helping me to beat the beast I can never get bored of it and because I eat it so regularly; if I do have a treat one day I don’t feel too guilty.
A little admin took place this afternoon before it was time to prepare tea. I was curling in the Currachmore trophy this evening and leaving at tea time so to get there in time with the children fed and happy I had to start making tea now. Pasta Marinara again as it went down so well with the children last time and is packed so full of goodness with red pepper, sun dried tomatoes, olive oil, fresh basil, dried oregano, a medjool date, garlic, sea salt, crushed chilli and chopped tomatoes served with wholemeal spaghetti. Sauce made and the children arrived home from school full of life. A quick catch up making sure all was well with them both and changed for curling I then put on my coat to walk the dog. Heather laughed at me. ‘Dad you look so silly with your big thick tweed waterproof coat and flat cap made for the country and your tracky bums made for the sports pitch and the city.’ She was probably right but it was dark so off I went to walk the dog rapping to myself and stepping down the street in a boy band sort of meant to be looking cool as I moved to the music sort of a way. All arms crossed close together and outstretched with legs giving me a gentle bounce as I progressed down the street all twisty and pout with attitude in my wellington boots. I am not even sure that the sort of step I was attempting to perform even has a name but smiled to myself as I imagined how stupid I must have looked. Then giggled to myself as I realised that of course the street lamps were on. What must I have looked like!?! I am just glad I didn’t turn my cap around back to front!! Another 2 mile route completed.
Pasta cooked. The sauce which can be served cold and is delicious cold in the summer can be warmed through for the winter so that is what I did with Heather’s help to keep an eye on it. The children were in great spirits. I wasn’t eating as we were having a Christmas Dinner after the Currachmore Trophy this evening but washed up and listened to the children talking. They burst in to song that initially made me feel melancholy despite the beautiful voices singing in unison to a lovely tune. It was from a song called Alone in the Universe from the Musical called the Seussical that Heather and James had performed in. With Gordon’s advice still working around my mind some of the words initially struck a cord with me:
“There are secrets on a leaf,
In the water, in the air,
Hidden planets, tiny worlds,
All invisible!
Not a person seems to know.
Not a person seems to care.
There is no one who believes a thing I say…
Well, I’m fairly certain
At one time or other,
Great thinkers all feel this way!
I’m alone in the universe.
So alone in the universe.
I’ve found magic but they don’t see it
They all call me a lunatic.
Ok, call me a lunatic.
If I stand on my own, so be it.”
I started to feel my mood sinking but before I started to sink towards the Doldrums they hit the chorus
“Cause I have wings.
Yes, I can fly
Around the moon
And far beyond the sky
And one day soon
I know there you’ll be
One small voice in the universe
One true friend in the universe
Who believes in me…”
I remembered all the wonderful support I had from you all. My friends and from my faith. If I could I would have grown wings and flown right there and then. I was smiling again and trying to sing along.
The children continued to eat then burst into another song this time entirely for my benefit and my goodness it made me laugh:
From the wonderful musical Oliver which again they have both performed in:
“Is it worth the waiting for?
If we live for eighty four
All we ever get is gruel!
Every day we say our prayer —
Will they change the bill of fare?
Still we get the same old gruel!
There’s not a crust, not a crumb can we find,
Can we beg, can we borrow, or cadge,
But there’s nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imagine
Food, glorious food!
Hot sausage and mustard!
While we’re in the mood —
Cold jelly and custard!
Peas pudding and saveloys
What next is the question?
Rich gentlemen have it, boys —
in digestion!
The washing up done it was time for me to go. Big hugs and kisses and out in to the slushy snow. Gordon (A different Gordon to earlier) was there as promised to give me a lift to Curling and off we set. As he drove me up; perhaps it was the emotion of the day but I started to feel decidedly odd. Nauseous. It wasn’t Gordon’s driving. I tried to distract myself by writing myself some notes for this post on my phone but it wasn’t working. Gordon asked me about the challenge and I told him about it but could hear it in my voice. I lacked the passion and belief in what I was doing. I started to worry. We arrived, I busied myself changing out of my snow boots and into my old squash shoes that I kept specifically clean for the ice. Packed away my wallet and things in to my jacket and into the locker. Grabbed a brush, a slider and a piece of lino cut into a foot shape that I can step on to to try and perform the push and glide manoeuvre for curling. I was starting to feel worse as we were split in to our teams for the trophy competition and set off onto our allocated sheet of ice. I was in a team with Helen who with Lyndsey (on our opposing team and who so patiently taught me to curl those few months ago) both noticed that something was up. Helen noted that my eyes were dilated when I first arrived but were looking a little better. Lyndsey asked if I would like to sit off the ice. I said ‘no thank you. It’s okay. I’m back’ They both giggled at that comment but I suspect that they knew that it wasn’t strictly true. I was back at that precise moment but the tides were back. I was being washed onto and off of the beach of normality with no apparent control over where or when. I couldn’t sit down and give in. This was what I was talking to Gordon about in the car. I was feeling lousy and slow. This was when I needed to hold my ground and force the brain to function. To find a way to clear cognitive and motor action and coordination. It was the only way I was going to beat the beast. It was hard and even worse concerning for those I was trying to curl with but rather than insist I sat down they understood and like true friends quietly did whatever they could to help and keep the game moving forward. When the tide swept me on to the beach I felt good, was able to smile and even managed to curl the stones reasonably well but when the tide dragged me out again, far, far away out of sight, the only proof that I had once existed was the eight long lines in the sand dug in by fingers as the tide dragged me out. But I could see them being washed away from existence as each wave washed in to shore. The only way back was to fight back. But how? The tinnitus in my ear which bothered me only occasionally now had reared up and was providing the noise of the sea much as if I was holding a conch shell to my ear but would also have the occasional and quite painful squeak providing the background squawk of the seagulls. I could almost smell the salty sea air and almost taste it. Or maybe I was actually tasting it. I had to focus on the game which was being played fast so no time for feeling sorry for oneself or focussing on these feelings. I knew they were there, especially when at one stage the whole ice rink started to move in and out of my vision in such a way as if I was bobbing in the swell of the waves so losing sight of the rink like the horizon periodically until I came back up on the swell. Yet at the same time the walls of the rink were getting closer as if a current was dragging me in but then moving out again as another current dragged me back out. I got that nauseous feeling again……..”SWEEEEEEP!!” I was back again, bent over and sweeping a stone with Helen. It was a massive delay from the original command to sweep to me actually sweeping which I think Helen noticed. In fact probably couldn’t not notice, but I was now back on an ice rink and sweeping. I was back again. I had no idea what I had been doing in the meantime. Probably just been stood on the ice looking slightly bewildered. I just don’t know but nobody said anything and the game continued. I had a pain in the back of my throat and worked my throat in the way that you do to try and clear a blockage from behind the top of the throat and nasal cavity. My reward was two chunks of debris that had the acidic taste and texture of half digested food. Had I been sick somewhere. I could taste it faintly, smell it faintly but there was nothing on me that I could see and nobody seemed at all perturbed. Then I had to leave the ice. It was if someone was jabbing a sharp thin blade in to the heel of my right foot. It was a sensation I had never had before. It was painful enough to have me call out faintly with each stab as I hobbled off of the ice. I started to hobble about arching my back slightly in pain and then suddenly it stopped. I got back on the ice and no one had noticed as they were gathered at the house in the far end agreeing the score for that game. Then from nowhere great globs of emotion welled up and shivered their way up through the body and came out in a couple of muted sobs. Thank goodness I was still on my own at that end. I turned. Stepped off of the ice again and quickly dried my eyes. We had now changed ends and it was my stone to start the next game. I had to get a grip quickly and thankfully the tide swept me back onto the beach as I strode down the ice trying to be as positive and as determined to sweep away these sensations as I could be. I felt clunky and uncoordinated but gave it my best attempt as always to launch the stone, with the right weight, in the direction of the skippers call. That stone was a shocker. I remembered to let go but I was completely off balance and as I tipped over sideways so the stone disappeared off sideways. The whole team waved a reassurance not to worry but as I waited to curl my next stone I started to feel a bit better. The sea had disappeared. I couldn’t smell it, taste it or even hear it. I had a clear and uninterrupted view of the ice rink. I was no longer bobbing on the waves. I had found a way back to dry land and normality. I curled my stone, concentrating as hard as I could. My push and glide felt good, the whole thing felt good, it looked increasingly good and ended up so nearly on to the button that I leapt with excitement and landed, having forgotten I was stood on ice, thankful for the good grip of my old squash shoes. It sadly wasn’t on the button but was jolly close. The opposing team knocked my stone off and we lost the match but I had beaten the beast that had tried so hard to wash me away in the tides tonight.
All the games over we went upstairs for dinner. It was a lovely affair and a chance to get to know better some of the fabulous members of the club. I was now very tired but the food was excellent and I learnt lots about Aberdeen and it’s various dialects having me in stitches as two Aberdonians spoke English across me in such a way that I had no hope of following.
It was a lovely night and as Gordon drove me home recounting the stories of how they used to curl 40 or so years ago I was thankful for the warmth of the car on the way home and reflected on what I had experienced this evening. I had had a fight to retain my cognitive and motor function but had won it. I had beaten the beast this evening. The very reason for taking up curling to help me in my quest to beat the beast in the challenge. But how had I done it. Not by myself. I wasn’t alone in the Universe. I was surrounded by friendship and patience which immediately reminded me of my vote of thanks from the day before. I repeat it again specifically for Helen, Lyndsey, Val, Gordon and the whole of the Doune Curling Club as tonight was a perfect example of what friendship and companionship is all about. Tonight it helped me beat the beast.
Thank you so very much a million times over. I have a friend who would pay me a thousand camels for a friendship like that which you give to me. It was your perfectly timed messages of support and encouragement that helped to keep me out of the Doldrums and Beat the Beast tonight. Thank you.
This has been a long post but then today has been a long day and brings me neatly on to my plea for help:
It feels like an admission of failure. I had always envisioned this challenge to be very simply just me led by my faith, supported by family and friends, enabled by the unincorporated Association and the people I meet. I did not want the challenge to be anything more to my friends and family than a source of inspiration and encouragement; certainly not a drain on resources. But the harsh reality of this busy world is that to get noticed and therefore succeed in raising as much money for charity as possible a quiet aura is just not enough to be heard above the background noise. The website is therefore essential along with the other ideas I have for development. But so is planning, resourcing and delivering activity to help me beat the beast. But so is planning, resourcing and cooking the right food to encourage healthy eating habits in the children while helping me to beat the beast. But so is engaging with all those supporting the challenge through my posts and answering messages.
I need another 4 hours in every day. The only way I am going to get that is to admit that I need help. I NEED HELP!!! So here is my appeal.
I really really need some administrative help from somebody who has a few spare hours each day and is looking for an exciting and dynamic project that they can get their teeth into. The role will involve website data entry, establishing of data files for future projects such as cook books, physical exercise programmes, a book about the challenge et al resultant from the challenge activity and assisting in the development of and then project management of some of my exciting development ideas. It is entirely voluntary. I cannot pay a bean but will provide for any stationary requirements and fund any travel required to fulfil the role so is ideally suited to a candidate living locally or with a bus pass!! Full training given. I am open to the idea of a job share if more than one of you would like to help or has a passion in one particular area but hope that I can find someone in the local area to keep any costs as low as possible as I would need to fund any costs such help incurs personally.
The wonderful Elizabeth and Joe replied to me, when I thanked them so much for their accountancy advice, help and support for the challenge, ‘don’t be so silly it is only a very small job’. But what is a small job for them is an enormous mountain that I would have to climb. I get great comfort from the knowledge that the accounts for the challenge are being managed properly between Webb and Wallace accountants and Kingdom Bank but without their support I would not have the structure, knowledge or time to be able to actually deliver the challenge at all. Your small job makes a massive difference to me and, if I can continue with the challenge, an increasingly large number of people. Thank you.
If there is anyone out there, living locally and crazy enough to consider wanting to come and help me do please message me on facebook with some contact details and we can have a chat about it further.
The challenge in numbers total since the start:
Days completed: 78
Total Miles Cycled: 469
Total Miles Walked: 356.5
Total Miles Run: 23.3
Total Distance Swum: 300 metres
Total Miles covered under own steam.913.8
Total Height Gained under own steam: 29,897 feet
Mountains Climbed: 5
Hills Climbed: 15
Days of Voluntary Activity: 5.5
Organ tunes learnt and performed: 5
Salmon Caught: 0!
Curling Matches played in: 4
Curling stones placed on the button (the centre of the target): 1
Weight Training Sessions: 7
Aerobic Circuit Sessions: 3
Press Ups: 160
Pull Ups: 42
Sit Ups: 160
People Met and Hands Shaken: 280
Pots of tea shared: 18
Prayers joined on the top of a hill: 2
Prayers joined in the street!: 1
Pills popped: 334
And most important of all – Money Raised as at Day 77 – £5,395.
Considering I started this challenge 12 weeks ago very quietly with no target beyond a fiver, thanks to the brilliant advice from a friend of mine, I am absolutely thrilled and again thank you all. So far that is £70.06 for each and every day that I have managed to find the will and energy to do something worthwhile and my goodness it has been worth it for my peace of mind, for my healing and for the five wonderful charities you are supporting through your generosity. Long may it continue.
Thank you for joining me on my own personal journey and encouraging me to walk, cycle, climb, paddle, sport and do good deeds each day to ‘Beat the Beast’ while helping to improve the lives and life chances of so many more people through sponsorship.
How to Sponsor Me
The Beat the Beast Challenge is self funding through my own contribution while keeping costs to a minimum with voluntary support and corporate sponsorship in kind. Therefore the entirety of every penny donated will go directly to the 5 charities detailed here.
Please sponsor me by completing a standing order form either through your own personal internet banking or by completing a hard copy standing order form in your branch of your bank and then handing it in to the teller.
Thank you for having enough faith in me to sponsor me.
Yours aye
Archie