I write first of all to thank all of you who wrote those very kind and, I feel underserved, messages on the challenge Facebook page, and by Messenger and email, while also pledging some very generous donations well above the requested £1.00 per month. Such generosity in encouragement and treasure has made me realise that I have allowed my daily fight to draw me deeper into a dirge of negativity, mourning the passing of my old pre-tumour life, and lamenting the arrival of this new neurologically dysfunctional life.
I had started to believe that I can no longer make the impossible possible again: that I will never be able to raise impossible sums for the DEC. That I will never really be able to play golf, let alone make it to the Masters. That no one would ever want to employ, on a multi-million pound production, on any production, a man whose brain keeps misfiring. That I will never be able to learn to play the bloody tune let alone sing it. That I will never be able to actually write a book.
But I haven’t changed. I am still the same old Archie, just lost in a brain that feels at times like it has a family of frogs playing inside it with a big fat toad lumbering about, while my body is being gently bounced up and down while being gently extended, compressed and contorted into folds like a concertina playing a gentle but fast-moving tune. During my service I was known for always having a glass that was half full, but, over time, I appeared to have lost that glass but, guided by your delightful comments, I have stumbled, once again, upon it.
From now on I will find the positive in every situation. I will find humour and see the amusing through the mist, and underneath each twist, contortion and misfire. The tumour was tickling and damaged my emotional cortex when it was growing and as a result, the slightest whiff of a neurological misfire will bring tears, immediately, to my eyes and lead me towards actually crying over my condition like a child over spilt milk, the tears flowing stronger with each twitch, bobble and wobble. This is mostly unseen by all other than Allie who has to pick up the pieces as I start to crumble into a twobble triggered by tiredness caused by computer screens, and too much concentration and conversation, or keyboard practice or golf practice et al. In effect anything that requires me to concentrate on a fixed point for a length of time. And each twobble tires me further for the next day making me more susceptible to another twobble. Now I understand entirely why my Neurologist said that I should only aspire to no more than volunteering in a charity shop for an hour a week. But this last Saturday I volunteered as a dishwasher for the St Paul’s and St George’s Soul Food programme that feeds and hosts 120 homeless with a three-course meal. I was swooshing and washing pots, pans, dishes and cutlery for 120 for a solid 3 hours. I did suffer a twobble on the Sunday following, but only a little one during the Sunday morning service back in church, and I managed to remain cognitive enough to hear of the hope that Ruth (from the book of Ruth) held onto as all appeared hopeless, and I was reminded through Gemma’s sermon that what I should hope for is that all these challenges make me a better person, not a bitter person. So I laughed when Allie took me for a coffee after church and while we waited for the coffee, the gingerbread man lying on the display in a plastic bag waiting to be purchased and eaten, waved at me most earnestly. So I laughed when, while writing this post my left arm did a full air worm like a dancing cobra. It just took off into the air before returning to my keyboard. So I laughed when my brain just could not keep up with my fingers on the keyboard. Over the last 2 weeks I had been building up the speed of the tune from a dead slow 30 beats per minute and had made it to 76 beats per minute which, despite being a further 50 beats per minute slower than the speed required of the composer, was far too fast for my brain. I just couldn’t do it, but rather than cry, I laughed at the disastrous consequences of a tune played so badly.
Your wonderful comments have reminded me that my glass is half full and when I received this wonderful thank you letter from the DEC for my last donation from the Challenge I was reminded that it doesn’t matter that I am not raising millions for the DEC, that every single penny that I manage to raise counts and makes a difference to those most in need, at their time of greatest need. So thank you for your donations and if you are yet to set up a standing order or make a donation please do so, even if it is for just £1.00 per month. As the letter below demonstrates, every penny counts.
“Dear Archie,
On behalf of the hundreds of thousands of people who have fled Myanmar and now need urgent help, we wanted to say thank you.
With 13 member charities all running different projects and programmes there are any number of ways in which the money you have raised might be spent, however, I have detailed below some of the ways that your donation of £756 might be used:
– providing emergency shelter for 25 families – more vital than ever with the start of the monsoon season – providing 150 families with hygiene kits – essential for helping to stop the spread of disease – providing 35 families with a month’s clean water
Looking forward, our member charities’ priorities are: health; protection; water, sanitation and hygiene; livelihoods; and disaster risk reduction. Funds already raised by the appeal are being used to support nine health facilities and two mobile health clinics, with health activities planned to benefit more than 200,000 people. More than 120,000 people will be provided with water and sanitation services and more deep tube wells will be installed to provide clean and safe drinking water. More than 11,000 people will be provided with access to solar lighting (including both solar street lights and personal lamps) to keep them safe at night. In total, almost 80,000 people will benefit from protection services. Over 15,000 people will be supported to restore their livelihoods through activities such as the distribution of agricultural tools and seeds, and the provision of business grants.
As you can see from the above, the generosity of people such as yourself, who have donated and raised funds for this appeal, is allowing our member charities to do amazing work supporting these dispossessed and traumatised people. Thank you.
Very best wishes,
Adam Brown Senior Supporter Services Officer”
I continue to write, practice golf, learn to act and learn to play the keyboard in the hope that every challenge will make me, step by step better.
I will probably cry at my youngest brother’s wedding next week as he ties the knot with Rosie, while my daughter Heather does a reading, while my son James pipes them out of church and into the wedding breakfast, and I will find much joy in this union and happy reunion of old friends and family.
Every day is, after all, a gift to be savoured.
Please sponsor me for the Disasters Emergency Committee
Thank you
Archie.